


Operation: LAL

by alykapedia



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: F/M, Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-09-29
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-04 02:35:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/388742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alykapedia/pseuds/alykapedia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Lal destroys the training room because of a certain idiot who goes 'kora' and everyone is concerned. Oh, did I say everyone? I meant Luce. Just Luce. Everyone else is just tired of watching soap commercials.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hell Hath No Fury

"THAT IDIOT!"

Lal growled angrily, slamming the door to the training room with such contempt that all the members of L'Prescetla Sette, even Verde, who had to stop his machinations and  _look,_  immediately came running downstairs to witness the Rain Arcobaleno's desecration of the training room _._ None of them had ever seen Lal so enraged. Sure, she got annoyed with Skull's incessant whining, got exasperated at Reborn's smug remarks, got wound up by Verde's lack of concern, hell; she even got irritated at Viper's avaricious attitude towards everything!

But they surely had never seen her so goddamn pissed off.

"Lal?"

Luce called, finding it the right time to interfere as one of the punching bags was blasted to smithereens by the intensity of Lal's punch. As the Arcobaleno boss treaded over the fallen debris, Reborn resisted the urge to stop Luce and allow Lal to go berserk a couple of minutes longer just to see what sort of destruction the COMSUBIN trainer can bring when provoked. It should be more interesting than watching soap commercials to say the least.

"Reborn? Is it really okay to let Luce go? I mean, Lal looks like she wants to kill something…" Skull piped up as they watched Luce make her way over Lal. Her pregnant form wobbling precariously over the rubble.

The hitman scoffed, glaring menacingly at their youngest member. "Who do you think you're talking about, retard? And besides, if something goes wrong, we're here, you idiot."

"I'm just saying!" The stuntman complained, taking a defensive stance.

"You—"

A firm hand enclosed on each of the pair's shoulder. "Don't start now, you two," Fon said, stepping in between the hitman and the stuntman. "We're still dealing with Lal here."

"I wonder what got her so pissed off," mused Verde as he leaned against the doorway. "Well, we'll see, won't we?" The scientist stated confidently, stifling a yawn.

"The repairs are going to cost a lot…" Viper muttered, surveying the room in a contemplating manner.

All of them watched as the scenario slowly unfolded. This particular set-up had the potential to be quite entertaining and worth missing an episode of CSI for.

Luce frowned worriedly, stepping over what looked like the remains of a solid steel counter. Her motherly instincts were kicking in and she mentally swore that she will personally make sure that whatever was causing Lal to act this way will suffer a cruel and most painful death.

Walking over to the clearing where the raven-haired woman seemed to be gathering her composure, Luce sat down at a nearby bench that the trainer had failed to obliterate and waited.

And waited…

And waited…

And wait—

"Luce?"

"Yes dear?"

"I'm sorry about the mess; I'll clean it up later…" Lal trailed off, fishing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. "I'll be in my ro—"

"Sit."

It wasn't a request, it wasn't an order, it was a statement and it was said with such power that Lal had to fight don the urge to perform a three-volley salute. She looked away and sauntered over to where Luce was sitting and sat down reluctantly next to the pregnant woman.

"What's wrong?"

"…"

"Lal"

"It's…nothing"

Luce gave her a strict look, "I don't quite believe that 'nothing' will cause you to act this way." At this, she motioned to the shambles that was once the training room.

Lal faltered and threw Luce a bashful gaze, wringing her hands in embarrassment, as she took in the serious damage she'd caused during her earlier rampage.

"I'm really,  _really_  sorry"

"It's fine. All of us have the right to get angry at times. You do know that you can always talk to me, talk to us, about anything, right?"

The trainer chose not to express her doubts about the 'talk to us' part, and gave the Sky Arcobaleno a nod and a smile. Talking to Luce occasionally, she can understand but to the others, well…not so much. She had enough on her plate already and she was not going to incur severe brain damage to herself for talking to the other Arcobaleno.

"Well?"

A frown. A sigh. This was still Luce that she was dealing with.

"Luce…do you think I'm…well…that is…"Lal flustered, bringing her knees up and holding them close to her person.

"Go on…"

"Am I lady-like enough?" The Rain Arcobaleno blurted out.

"I beg your pardon?" Luce asked, a bit rattled by Lal's sudden outburst. Had she heard correctly? Did Lal just ask  _that_  question? Really? This isn't just one of Viper's illusions, is it? Luce remained silent for a moment, carefully deliberating what Lal had just said; she also remembered that Viper wouldn't really do anything unless paid so illusions were out of the question. So that left her hearing ability…

Blushing to the roots of her hair, Lal bowed her head and restated her declaration carefully. "I want to know if I'm lady-like enough…" She muttered something under her breath and added softly, "am I?"

Luce's eyes softened and she offered the younger woman a gentle smile, placing a hand over Lal's "of course you a—"

It was at this exact moment in time that the remaining Arcobaleno found it prudent to make their seemingly forgotten presence known to the pair. As Reborn, the ever sensitive person that he was, started to laugh; quite boisterously at that. And apparently, the hitman's shocking laughter was rather infectious as Skull and Verde joined him. Even Fon had to fight off a small grin. The only one who seemed unaffected about the whole ordeal was Viper.

(And well, the illusionist was already an exception within an exception, so no surprise there.)

"Reborn."

_Strike one._

"Ahaha—shit, this is funnier than—haha"

"Reborn."

_Strike two._

"Hah! Fuck, haha…" At this, the well respected hitman stilled to catch his breath.

"Reborn."

_Strike three._

"Ahaha—something wrong, Luce?" The Sun Arcobaleno broke into another fit of incredulous giggles as his gaze fell on Lal. He shook his head, Lal, lady-like? This turned out to be better than what he had anticipated; he sincerely hoped that the surveillance cameras were still working…

"What's so funny, Hitman-san?" Luce inquired sweetly, a dangerous glint on her eyes, as she treaded her way over to the small huddle at the entryway, a definite aura of doom following each dainty step.

'Oh crap', was pretty much the unanimous reaction that Skull, Verde, and Fon shared. No one, I repeat no one, wanted a pissed Luce going after their asses. Being 'immortal' won't keep Luce away, nor will any form of equation solve their problem, and running around would probably just incite a heavier wrath. But of course, Reborn, proud bastard that he was, stood his ground firmly, lips twisting into an arrogant smirk.

"Well?"

Reborn held her gaze, crossing his arms and raising a thin eyebrow, as if in a challenge.

"What do you think?" The Sun Arcobaleno declared cheekily.

Needless to say, it wasn't the answer that Luce wanted.

_And you're out!_

 

 

_  
_

_  
_

"Viper, dear? Can you please stop worrying over the cost of repairs? I promise that it will have no effect on your bank account whatsoever." Luce called out, casting the illusionist a beseeching look.

The Mist Arcobaleno turned towards Luce and grudgingly grounded out a "fine" through clenched teeth. Luce sighed and rubbed her bulging stomach affectionately, she may still be quite far from giving birth to her first child but she already felt like a very exasperated and tired mother when dealing with the other (younger and not-so younger) members of L'Prescetla Sette. She shook her head and looked around the table where they were all gathered (with the exception of Lal).

Her gaze settled on a certain dark-haired assassin.

"Reborn, please stop rubbing your cheek, you'll only make it worse that way."

Reborn threw her a look that clearly said, 'Whose fault do you think that is?'

Her eyes widened just a fraction.

_Why that little—!_

"Can we go back to our lives now, Luce?"

Verde queried nonchalantly with a hint of veiled sarcasm, effectively halting the pregnant woman who was on the verge of saying something to Reborn. As wary as he was of Luce and her pregnant woman mood swings and inhumane hormonal strength, Verde had experiments and scientific breakthroughs waiting to be finished and realized and he did not have time to sit here idly to have some 'family bonding time' with the other misfits of the mafia or whatever they were considered a part of.

And he most certainly did not have time to watch an old married couple bicker with each other. He's had enough of Skull and his Thursday night Soap Opera marathons, thankyouverymuch.

Luce paused and looked at the scientist with an unreadable expression on her face.

And then she smiled.

"Should I take that as a yes?" No matter how brilliant he was, and he was abso-fucking-lutely brilliant. Verde wasn't a mind-reader and he especially did not get women.

Especially Luce.

 _Especially_ Luce.

Most  _especiall_ y Luce.

Most  _especially_  a  _very pregnant_  Luce.

"No." The Giglio Nero boss answered airily, pouring herself some juice.

Verde raised an eyebrow, hand clenching slightly on his coffee mug. "Excuse me?"

"No one is going to leave this table until we figure out why Lal is upset." Luce declared with finality and all planned retorts died simultaneously in everyone's respectable throats when she used  _that_ voice. Even Skull had decided to actually just sit down and shut up and not do or say something very stupid and potentially harmful (which is a very amazing feat, mind you).

It was common knowledge in the household that when Luce was in one of her 'scary pregnant woman' mood swings, it would be of best interest to just go along with everything she says. Because 'no' wasn't an option and it would be pretty much suicidal to try and even leave the house, or for this matter, the dining area. (Even standing up from your seat and moving at least twelve inches from the table is a no-no.)

Silence pervaded the spacious dining area after the Sky Arcobaleno's declaration.

(Since no one really wanted to talk about their lives and really, they weren't on Oprah or anything. And the biscotti and chocolate-chip cookies were really  _good_  that even Reborn took one willingly whilst moodily rubbing at his sore cheek.)

"May I say something?" Fon inquired good-naturedly, directing a gaze towards Luce.

"Of course"

The Storm Arcobaleno breathed in deeply, closing his eyes momentarily before taking a sip of his steaming macha. "It would be safe to presume that Lal has an issue with her femininity." The Chinese man said clearly, swirling the contents of his cup before setting it down soundlessly on the table.

Blank stares met Fon's statement.

Until Skull almost choked on air. Almost. Because Reborn had taken the liberty to whack him harshly on the back in a pseudo attempt to help him, or rather, deliver him from his misery.

"Well, yes. Thank you, Fon." The Sky Arcobaleno said lightly as she took a muffin from the basket.

Verde rolled his eyes in annoyance. "I think we've already established that fact, now if someone could figure out why Lal decided to destroy the training room. That would be greatly appreciated."

"I don't understand why Lal's so concerned about her…femininity." Viper mumbled over a cookie.

"Of course you wouldn't understand. You're asexual."

The illusionist frowned, or maybe not, no one could really tell, as the pile of baked goods on the basket steadily disappeared and ended up inside Viper's mouth. "Just because you don't know what my gender is, does not mean I'm asexual."

"Why would I even want to know what your gender is?" The scientist asked indignantly.

"You're the one who's sneaking around my room trying to look for clues as to whether I'm male or female, Verde. So ask yourself that question. I would have gladly told you what my gender is had you just asked and paid." The cloaked illusionist quipped liltingly, critically examining the choco-mint cookie recently plucked from the basket.

"You—" Verde started.

"Stop the love fest, you two," Reborn drawled, having stopped rubbing his cheek and was now smirking over his cup of espresso. "We're here to talk about Lal and not try to find out what Viper's gender is."

"What's so interesting about Viper's gender anyway?" Skull laughingly inquired, apparently waking up from his silent spell.

Verde's left eye twitched in annoyance, he shot Reborn, Viper and Skull a contemptuous glare and crossed his arms over his chest in sheer irritation.  _Simpletons…of course you wouldn't understand, you're all idiots._

Reborn snorted, setting his cup on the table. "Now since none of you are actually contributing, I might as well."

"Yes, Reborn?" Luce queried flippantly with a smile playing on her lips.

"Lal's upset because of that student of hers."

"Student?"

"The blond idiot who always goes 'kora', I think his name's Colonello."

"Oh! Colonello-kun!" Luce exclaimed in sudden realization, bright blue eyes twinkling in ill-supressed delight. "Now that explains everything!" She continues, a wide grin unfurling on her lips.

The rest of the Arcobalenos shared dubious looks, not exactly certain as to what was going on inside Luce's mind at the moment. And quite frankly, they weren't that keen on knowing what sick and twisted conclusion—

"Lal's in love with Colonello-kun!"

—Luce was going to come up with. Just like that one.

Several things happened at once after Luce's excited generalization.

Reborn choked on his espresso.

Verde broke his mug.

Fon spat out his tea.

Viper choked on biscotti.

Skull fell out of his chair.

And somewhere in the dim recesses of her room, Lal sneezed and shivered as she felt a definite aura of doom and foreboding wash over her.

_Something bad is going to happen._


	2. Breakfast at the Arcobalenos

 

" _What are you talking about chief? I just—"_

" _No worries, Lal! All of us need a break. You're no exception. "_

" _But I didn't—Wait! Listen to me I'm—"_

" _Look Lal Mirch, I've already talked with the higher-ups about this. The paperwork's already done."_

"… _I see, but sir, I'm not—"_

" _I'm not going to repeat myself again. Enjoy your vacation, you deserve it. Got that?"_

"… _yes, I think so…"_

 

 

 

Luce woke up to the sound of someone incessantly knocking on her door. She mumbled something incoherently and burrowed deeper into the mess of blankets on her bed. It was still too early and she hardly had a wink of sleep last night due to the baby's persistent movements. She had been excited about it, but of course, the excitement died down quickly when she found that she couldn't because of the baby moving around so much.

"They aren't going to stop knocking until you wake up you know."

The Arcobaleno boss groaned before turning to her side, giving the Vongola Hitman a small pout. "You left the bed too early again, Reborn; I'm cold."

Reborn shook his head in mild bemusement, the slightest of smiles alighting on his face as he made his way over towards the bed. Leaning down, he kissed Luce's forehead before pressing his lips against her bulging stomach.

"I'm giving you five minutes to get down there and shut them all up." He whispers to her ear before turning to leave, picking up his tie and busying himself with it.

Laughing, Luce catches his hand and tugs on it, pulling him to her. And Reborn allows it because it really  _was_  too early.

"Good morning, hitman-san."

Maybe he'll give Luce more than five minutes.

" _Buon Giorno,"_

 

 

 

Meanwhile, Skull was fighting the tempting urge to shout and throw an all-out temper tantrum outside Luce's door. It was a known fact that no one was allowed to bang and scream at the Arcobaleno boss' door since it would not harbor any good for the baby. That, and Reborn would definitely go berserk if anyone even tried to disturb Luce when she was resting.

"Skull, what are you doing out so early?" Fon asks softly, having just returned from his daily morning exercise. There were a few assassins sent by a small Mafia family loitering around the estate and thanks to that, the Storm Arcobaleno was able to stretch his limbs and crack open some skulls in the process.

The younger man turned around in mild alarm, a scream lodging itself halfway up in his throat as he slowly turned his head to see who it was. He calmed down only when he had confirmed that it was indeed Fon and not Reborn in another weird disguise. "It's Lal. She's in the kitchen and—and—" Skull was starting to panic and as much as the Chinese man tried to understand the other, he admittedly cannot make heads nor tails of the numerous hand gestures Skull was currently acting out.

"I'm sorry but I'm not sure I understand…" He trailed off uncertainly as the stuntman looked like he was on the verge of tears. Fon mentally blanched, not sure as to how to deal with this…mess. "Well, why don't we just go to the kitchen, then?" He suggested, placing a hand on Skull's shoulder and steering him away from Luce's room and towards the staircase.

"But wait, shouldn't we try to wake Luce up? She's probably the only one who can talk some sense into Lal." Skull piped up. "I mean, you and Lal are on good terms and all but—"

Fon merely smiled at the idea, and blatantly ignored the thoughtless jab to his pride, "I don't think it's a good idea to disturb Luce right now." He said ominously, stealing a look at the locked door of the Arcobaleno boss' room as he practically pushed Skull down the stairs. "And besides, I think I'm capable enough to talk some sense into Lal. Okay?" Fon adds, and the hand on Skull's shoulder tightens just a little, jolting the younger man. The Chinese man may be nice and incredibly understanding but he sure as hell wasn't going to let that stab to his pride go with just a smile.

"O-o-okay."

 

 

 

"It wouldn't hurt you to help, Viper."

Lal announced to the almost empty kitchen and of course, to the hooded illusionist currently slumped at one of the counters. She shot Viper an annoyed look as she chopped the potatoes into small cubes; all the while glancing warily at the cookbook leaning innocently against the toaster.

"You're supposed to julienne the potatoes, not chop them into cubes." The illusionist pipes up as if on cue, rousing from the counter and heading towards the refrigerator.

"Julienne?" The COMSUBIN trainer repeats a bit dumbfounded, before stealing a look at the cookbook she propped against the toaster. Her eyes glazed through the instructions and cursed under her breath when she found that she was indeed supposed to julienne the potatoes, whatever that meant, and  _not_ chop them into cubes. Well, damn. She sighed, grimacing at the bowl of potato cubes she had already chopped.

"But of course, you don't really have to follow the directions since you're just making Frittata…" Viper trailed off, munching on a chocolate bar recently pilfered from the fridge. "Then again, you don't really have to use potatoes to make Frittata."

Lal raised an eyebrow, surprised that the normally apathetic illusionist actually conceded to her plea. "Er, thanks?"

"That advice is going to cost and I don't really accept  _thankyous,_ " Viper quipped, taking one last bite of the chocolate (that Lal was pretty sure belonged to Skull). "I'll give you my account number later…"

"Right." The Rain Arcobaleno muttered under her breath, "How much is it going to cost me if I asked you to get the eggs and start scrambling them?" She asks, sarcasm dripping from her voice. If Viper was actually willing to do something, then she might as well take advantage of that rare chance.

"Hmm, depends on whether you'll cook some for me as well."

Lal sighed, facing the other Arcobaleno with her hands on her hips. "Viper, what part of 'I'm making breakfast for everybody' don't you understand?" She asks exasperatedly, making her way to the sink to wash the potatoes.

"Oh. Must've missed that, but since you're making one for me, I guess I could help with minimal charge."

"Great."

At that, Viper muttered something while making a gesture towards the refrigerator causing it to open. "How many eggs do you need?" The illusionist asked, turning towards Lal with an inquiring look.

"One and a half a dozen."

"Oka—"

"SEE? I TOLD YOU LAL WAS AT THE KITCHEN AND SHE'S—" Skull's voice sounded from the doorway, cutting off whatever Viper was about to say. Lal looked up to raise an eyebrow at the two newcomers.

"Cooking breakfast." Fon continued Skull's tirade in a more subdued and slightly amused manner, entering the kitchen and looking around with a faint smile on his face. The stuntman followed the Chinese warily, looking around the kitchen with something akin to apprehension, as if something was going to spontaneously combust and kill them all. "Do you need any help?" inquired the martial artist, already rolling up his sleeves.

Lal grimaced, giving Fon a look that pretty much screamed,  _you think?_  "Yes, please. I'm not really sure as to what to cook for breakfast, to be honest." She motioned at her cutting board where she was still hopelessly struggling with the potatoes.

"I'd be glad to." The Asian man quipped, heading over to the pantry. "I'm going to cook egg drop soup, if you don't mind."

"Not at all."

 

 

 

**RRRRRING!**

**RRRRRING!**

**RRRRRING!**

The phone was ringing.

The phone was ringing loudly.

The phone was ringing loudly next to his ear.

The phone was ringing loudly next to his ear and no one was answering it.

**RRRRRING!**

Damnit.

**RRRRRING!**

Verde blearily opened his eyes, the bright sunlight coming from the wide windows of his laboratory making him squint and curse in five different languages. "Fucking sun."

**RRRRRING!**

"Goddamn phone." He muttered darkly under his breath before sitting up, albeit rather sluggishly, from his earlier position on his work table. Glancing minutely at the small clock perched on his table, the green-haired man frowned.  _What kind of retard called at six o' clock in the fucking morning?_  Well, he was apparently going to find out. Verde yawned widely, one hand scratching at the stubble on his chin while the other clamped over the handle of the phone and brought it very,  _very_  slowly to his ear.

"What."

Let it be known to the world that Verde was not very adept at this thing called  _politeness_.

" _Er, good morning? This is um…Sergeant Colonnello from the COMSUBIN…is Commander Mirch around?"_

Who the fuck is Sergeant Colonnello? And who the hell is this Commander Mirch person?

Verde frowned and stared at a particularly interesting blank spot on the wall for a full minute.

The caller was obviously some sort of military man, so that means this Commander Mirch person was none other than Lal since she was the only one involved in the military.

Then who was this Colonnello?

He's pretty sure that he's heard that name before somewhere…

" _Lal's upset because of that student of hers."_

" _Student?"_

" _The blond idiot who always goes 'kora', I think his name's Colonello."_

" _Oh! Colonello-kun!"_

Ah.

That's right, Colonnello was Lal's  _little soldier boy._

A grin slowly stretched on the green-haired scientist's face.

This had the potential to be  _quite_  interesting.

" _Hello?"_  The retard, now identified as Colonnello the little soldier boy, said uncertainly.  _"I think I called the wrong number, I'm very sorry for the trou—"_

"No, no, it's the correct number." Verde drawled. "You're looking for Lal?"

" _Yes, is she available_?"

Was she? Verde honestly didn't know but Colonnello didn't need to know that he didn't know. "She's, ah,  _busy_  at the moment."

" _I see, um, can you please tell her that I have her things? She left them at the base yesterday and I was asked to bring them to her but I don't really know where she lives and—"_

"Do you have pen and paper? I can give you the address."

" _Oh, yes! Wait, I'll just—"_

A full-blown smirk was now present on Verde's face and he just barely stops the maniacal laughter bubbling up in his throat.

Oh, this was definitely going to be  _very_  interesting.

" _I'll probably drop by this afternoon, around four."_

"Alright."

" _Thank you, er, I haven't asked for your name, have I?"_

"It's Verde."

" _Right, thanks Verde."_

"No problem."

No problem  _indeed._

 

 

 

"Pass the butter, Viper."

"Say  _'please'_ "

Breakfast has always been a very important meal in the L'Prescetta Sette base. It was the only repast that the Arcobalenos bothered to eat as a group, or as Luce would like to put it, as a family. As uncommon a practice as it was, it had become a daily ritual for everyone and no one had ever dared to try and break the revered custom. Not even Verde with his unending barrage of experiments, not even Skull who always liked to sleep in late, not even Fon who had morning meditation and not even Reborn who normally despised eating with anyone in close vicinity, dared to break the practice.

Also, as it stands, breakfast normally took place in the early hours of dawn in the base and none of them were morning persons, with the sole exception of Luce. Hence, morning was the only time of day when everyone was actually sane, normal and quiet. All in all, breakfast which took place in the morning was a very peaceful occasion since no one had the energy to ruin the peaceful mood.

Well, not yet anyway.

(But of course, the Arcobalenos were yet to be complete inside the dining room so certain allowances must be made.)

"Pass the butter, Viper.  _Please._ " The stuntman grumbled out moodily, a frown marring his surprisingly clean face. He has yet to put on the various face paint (Viper loudly claimed that it was make-up and no one can really refute the illusionist) that he normally used due to the fact that Fon forced him to help Lal cook breakfast earlier. The Chinese man had declared in a no-nonsense fashion that  _no, you are not going inside this kitchen with all that gunk on your face. And yes, even to eat._

Seriously, Fon was evil. His angelic face and amiable smiles were misnomers of his true personality, Skull was sure of it.

He was probably even  _worse_  than  _Reborn._

Viper made a show to consider Skull's plea before shrugging imperiously. "No," the illusionist replied haughtily.

"Why you little—"

"Skull," Luce warned from her seat at the head of the table, giving the stuntman a disproving look. She turned to Viper with a long-suffering expression set upon her face. "Viper, dear, please pass the butter to Skull."

"Fine," the illusionist relented, waving a hand towards the butter and making it sail towards Skull.

"And what do we say, Skull?" The Arcobaleno Boss prompted sweetly.

"Thank you. Viper."

"Now, that wasn't so hard, now was it?" Luce said, turning her gaze towards Lal who was trying to inconspicuously drink her coffee. "Thanks for making breakfast, Lal."

Lal gulped down, a pleased flush spreading on her cheeks. "Fon helped," she garbled out quickly, averting her gaze towards her lap.

"I helped too." Viper readily quipped. "I scrambled the eggs."

Reborn snorted, finally making his presence known as he finished with his espresso. "And how much did Lal have to pay you to make you scramble eggs?"

The illusionist stuck her tongue out at him, prompting Reborn to stick his tongue out at the illusionist as well.

And before Luce can remark on the pair's childishness, the door to the dining area opened with an ominous creak, revealing a harried Verde, still clothed in his lab gown.

"Your cheerfulness is hurting me," the scientist declared as he strode sluggishly towards the dining table before dropping unceremoniously on the chair facing Lal, who derisively rolled her eyes at him.

"Good morning to you too, Verde," Fon piped up, already used to the green-haired man's morning antics.

Verde made a show to gaze at Lal interestedly before snapping his fingers in some sort of realization. "Ah yes, someone called." He suddenly said, catching everyone's attention. "Someone called, ah, whatisname, Sergeant Colonnello? Yes, that's it. He wanted me to tell you that he will be coming over this afternoon to deliver your things."

Lal spat out her coffee, while the rest of the Arcobalenos tried to look horribly disinterested and failing massively at that.

"He's what?!"


	3. Colonnello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, holy shit, this is the longest crap I've written.

 

Apparently, Lal lived on a mountaintop.

No, seriously, Colonnello wasn’t even making this up.

His stricter than strict commanding officer lived in a mansion set upon a freaking mountaintop. And if that wasn’t just amazing, then Colonnello didn’t know what was. He’d always somehow imagined (well, more like fantasized) that Lal lived in a small, but well-kept home, or at least in a modest apartment; never in his wildest imaginations had he thought her to be someone who lived in a goddamn mansion.

But apparently, she _was_.

The blond sergeant slowly stepped out of his jeep, eyes glued to the spiraling and inhumanely steep road towards the mountaintop. He was pretty sure that this was it, he’d checked the address Verde gave him for the umpteenth time and obediently followed the very specific instructions that the man had given him. Hell, he even went and asked the Admiral if this really _was_ Lal’s _real address_ and Verde wasn’t just shitting him, and the Chief had confirmed that it really _was_ Lal’s address and Verde had not, in fact, been shitting him.

Contrary to popular belief, Colonnello wasn’t just going to go gallivanting towards a shady location given to him by an even shadier person over the phone, he wasn’t _that_ reckless! _Come on_ , he was in the military for god’s sake; give him some credit here, people! And besides, there was just something about Verde that didn’t quite sit well with him. He had a feeling that whoever this Verde was, the man was probably someone who plotted nefarious schemes to take over the world for _fun_. 

He sighed, leaning his left hand against his jeep as he looked apprehensively up at the mountain. Man, the things he did for love.

Yes, you read that right.

Love.

Because it was sort of a known fact of life that Colonnello was maybe, kinda, a bit in love with Lal Mirch. It was also a known fact of life that the blond was something of an incurable masochist, but that was a story for another day. And really, he would probably do anything that Lal asked him to; well, except for _actual_ military orders, because seriously, who followed that stuff anyways?

Colonnello inhaled deeply before pulling himself up into his jeep and revving up the engine.

It was going to be a long, _long_ drive.

 

 

 

A stunning silence permeated the air of the cavernous dining area, interrupted only by the repetitive stirring that Verde was purposefully doing to annoy everyone. But mostly he was doing it to annoy Lal, because annoying Lal Mirch was horrendously entertaining due to the fact that the woman actually had a set of morals and principles that she followed religiously and will actually hesitate, _hesitate_ to kill him when the situation called for it. (Reborn, however, does not have a definite set of morals and principles so Verde tries not to grate on the hitman’s nerves _too_ much, he valued his life. And Fon was too insanely happy and too calm and too _boring_ to tease, so Verde doesn’t even bother trying because where would the _fun_ be in that?)

“What do you mean Colonnello’s coming over?” Lal hissed, glaring pointedly at the green-haired scientist as if it was somehow Verde’s fault that Colonnello was coming over. (Which it sort of was, but well, Lal didn’t need to know _that_ just yet.) And well, if looks could kill, Verde’s already died a couple hundred times over and was currently dying in Lal’s hands for the umpteenth time.

Verde has the gall to actually look thoughtful as he pretended to consider the question. “Exactly that. Do you need me to dumb it down for you?” There’s a shit-eating grin on the scientist’s face, and a few seats away, Fon shook his head incredulously while Skull snorted over a mouthful of Frittata. Sometimes, Verde had a death wish the size of his ego and there was going to be a time when it will be the death of him and the rest of the Arcobalenos would probably just watch and eat popcorn and laugh at Verde’s expense when that happens.

Screaming internally, Lal barely resisted the urge to throw a fork at the bespectacled man’s general direction. _Gods_ , how she hated the pompous bastard! “No, Verde, I do not need you to—“ And before Lal could proudly proclaim to the rest of the world what she did not want the bastard scientist to do, Luce clears her throat, instantly demanding everyone’s attention.

“If you don’t mind me asking, who exactly is this Colonnello we’re talking about?” Luce piped up innocently from the head of the table, finding it the right time to interrupt the makings of a potential fight, as well as to gather more information about Colonnello. She needed every little snippet about the man if she was to go matchmaking him with Lal and who better to provide information than Lal herself? The Arcobaleno boss smiled imploringly at the Rain Arcobaleno, and the others watched with awe and something like stomach-churning apprehension, as the other woman’s walls crumbled before the sheer might of Luce’s smile.

The COMSUBIN trainer flushed, a most torrid blush spreading shamelessly on her cheeks. “H-He’s—“

“Ah, isn’t he that student of yours?” Reborn interrupted as he was wont to do. “That annoying blond one who hit on you on the first day of training?” The Vongola hitman continued, the words sliding nonchalantly from his tongue. It was a silly rumor he heard ages ago when he was on a mission, useless military gossip he’s managed to pick up from his stake-outs and never bothered to put much mind into. He was a hitman after all, not a gossip monger, but it paid to have sharp ears and an even sharper memory if the look on everyone’s faces, especially Lal’s, was of any indication.

“Yes.” Lal murmured through gritted teeth, cheeks flaming. (Much to the delight of a smiling Luce who was almost hyperventilating at how adorable it all was, _and oh my, my, my, I_ told _you Lal was in love_!)

Verde smirked evilly over his coffee cup, thankful for the sudden opportunity that Reborn had kindly provided him and opened his mouth to deliver the final blow.

“Oho, fraternizing with your student _, Commander Mirch_?”

The Rain Arcobaleno stiffly stood up with a murderous look on her face, hand closing around the handle of the butter knife and walking determinedly towards Verde. The scientist blinked quickly, eyes trained on the glinting knife Lal was holding, before flinching when the dark-haired woman vengefully stabbed the ciabatta sitting in front of him with it. “Next time you say that, Verde, I won’t hesitate to _castrate you with my bare hands_.” Lal spat out angrily before stomping out of the dining room, muttering profanities under her breath.

“Oh great, Verde, you made Lal angry again.” Viper observed as soon as Lal was out of earshot.

The scientist merely shrugged, leaning back on his chair and taking a very long sip of his coffee. “I’m surprised you’re actually concerned.”

“Lal owes me money and if she forgets to deposit her payment on my bank account,” the illusionist paused, mouth twisting into a frown. “I’m holding you accountable for it.”

“Like hell you would!” Verde snapped, remembering the last time the avaricious illusionist had him paying for something, or rather, the last time that Viper managed to pilfer money from him. He still mourns for the sudden disappearance of his Swiss bank account thanks to the indigo-haired illusionist’s machinations.

Rolling his eyes at the two, Reborn turned to Verde with a raised eyebrow. “How the hell did the blond idiot find out about our address, anyway?” He asked because okay, Reborn’s a bit paranoid about things like these and if anyone can just waltz into their mountaintop manor then perhaps it was a good time to move the base somewhere else.

Like the Bermuda Triangle or something.

Light glinted off of Verde’s glasses and a smirk wormed its way to his lips. “I told him.”

“You told him.” Reborn parroted incredulously.

“Yes.”

“Why on earth—“

“Because we wouldn’t be able to meet Lal’s _little soldier boy_ if I hadn’t.”

And what was Reborn supposed to say to _that_?

 

 

 

 

 

“What do you want, Fon?”

A slow smile stretched across Fon’s face and he jumped off of the tree he had been oh-so stealthily hiding out at. The Chinese man calmly sauntered towards Lal, ignoring the threatening glare that was practically daring him to come closer. “Oh, nothing,” he nonchalantly shrugged, “I was just wondering where you went.”

Lal rolled her eyes disdainfully, before loading another magazine into her Beretta. “Well, now you know, so leave.” She snapped; aiming at a random oak tree to the man’s left and letting out a barrage of bullets. Fon doesn’t even flinch, and instead smiles at her even wider.

Gods, his cheerfulness really annoyed her at times.

Actually, no, scratch that, Fon’s entire being annoyed her at times.

Not that she hated the Storm Arcobaleno or anything like that; she liked him better than any of the other men in their motley group. Granted, it’s not much of a contest but compared to Reborn, Verde, and Skull, Lal would pick Fon any day. It was just that there were times when it felt as if Fon was her antithesis of some sort.

Fon was calm. She was always stressed out.

Fon smiled. She frowned.

Fon can cook without the help of a cookbook. She managed to mess up Frittata with the help of a cookbook.

And it also did not help one bit that it was as if whoever thought up this Arcobaleno business messed up big time with their supposed personalities, because Lal was as much the _calming Rain_ as a raging bull.

“So,” Fon started leisurely, making himself comfortable inside Lal’s personal bubble. “Your student is coming over…” Luce had asked him earlier to keep Lal occupied while she concocts a plan with the others.

The COMSUBIN trainer rolled her eyes before placing her gun on the holster. “Yes, Fon, I think we’ve established that. Now, seriously though, what do you want?” She cocked an inquisitive brow at the man.

“I was wondering if you wanted to spar,” the Chinese man answered easily with a small smile. “Hand-to-hand combat and all that.” He elaborated unnecessarily; Fon has never known Lal to turn down an invitation for a friendly spar. “So, what do you say?”

“You had to ask?”

“I’d take that as yes, then?”

“Hell yeah.”

 

 

 

 

It takes Colonnello approximately five hours of driving around in circles to come to the astounding conclusion that he was, as a matter of fact, lost.

“I think I’m lost,” the blond sergeant declared to no one in particular as he passed by the same tree for the umpteenth time that day and Colonnello was pretty sure that it was the same tree because he’d wrapped his scarf around it during the fifth time he’d passed by that area.

By his estimation, he was currently stuck somewhere up the middle of the mountain.

He just didn’t get it, every single time he tried to go any further than the aforementioned tree; he goes back to that exact same spot. It was as if the place was haunted or something.

Now, what did Lal say again when dealing with ghosts?

Oh yeah.

Nothing.

Because ghosts weren’t real and Colonnello would just have to suck it up and find another way to get to Lal’s house.

But not before reciting the _Padre Nostro_ as well as the _Ave Maria_ three times each just to be safe.

(He may not be a devout Catholic, but his grandmother was and well, that has to count for something, right?)

 

 

 

 

“Oh, I nearly forgot,” Luce suddenly quipped after lunch. “Viper dear, can you please get rid of some of the illusions for the meantime? We actually need Colonnello to get here.”

Viper shrugged, a frown tugging at the Mist Arcobaleno’s lips. “No need, he actually managed to figure out how to get out of the illusion.” The illusionist said, sounding almost impressed. Either Lal’s little soldier boy was insanely smart, or he was just insanely lucky to discover the small glitch in the mirage.

Viper personally thought that it was the latter.

Because not even Verde has been able to get out of the illusions unscathed, and even then, it had taken the scientist a whole week to figure it out.

 

 

 

“Verde says that our _guest_ is almost here.”

“Huh. I’m impressed, I guess that’s Lal’s student alright.”

“Thanks for informing us, Skull. Now, can you please stay at the foyer and wait for him?”

“Okay? So I’m supposed to tell him where Lal’s room is right?”

“Yes, and then Viper will arrive to lead him to the garden for tea.”

“Alrighty.”

“Operation: get Lal and Colonnello together is finally starting.”

“You’re taking this _too_ seriously.”

“Oh _shush,_ Reborn.”

 

 

 

Bright blue eyes gazed at the large, imposing structure apprehensively and Colonnello felt just a tad bit nervous as he gingerly stepped off of his jeep. Well. He’d done it. He managed to drive up the insanely steep mountain—which was either haunted or magical, he’s kinda leaning towards magical though—and now, here he was, just a few steps shy off the gigantic mahogany doors leading to Lal. And now all he had to do was walk those few steps and then he’ll be able to finally sweep Lal off of her feet.

Oh god.

Can he do this?

Can he really, really do this?

Lal lived with her family, right?

What if they didn’t—god forbid—like him?

(Which was, you know, impossible, since Colonnello was made of awesome and all, but it was nice to be prepared for the worst case scenario.)

What if they don’t give him permission to marry their daughter?

What if—what if he has to coerce Lal into eloping with him in the middle of the night to run off to some unchartered island in the Mediterranean?!

“Um—hey, you there!” A loud voice broke him out of his reverie, and Colonnello hastily looked around and saw a curious head peeking out from the mahogany doors. “Are you Colonnello?!” The head asked, and the sergeant blinked repeatedly in an attempt to convince himself that the head was most probably connected to a body. And as if to prove this point, a young man with a shocking mane of dark purple hair fully emerged from the mahogany doors and jogged towards him. “You _are_ Colonnello, right?”

Colonnello just blinks again before shoving his disillusioned daydreams to the very back of his mind. “Oh yeah. I’m—uh—Sergeant Colonnello.” He quickly garbled out a response as the purple-haired man stopped in front of him.

“Skull.”

“What?”

“My name, it’s Skull.”

“Ah. I see.” The blond muttered, turning back to his jeep to haul the two duffel bags from the back as soon as he decided that Skull wasn’t going to go ballistic and bite his head off, creepy make up notwithstanding. “So, do I leave Lal—I mean—Captain Mirch’s things with you?”

“NO!”

“No?”

“No,” Skull groused, motioning towards the manor with his head. “You can come in. I mean, you drove all the way up here and stuff, and Luce and the others want to meet you so—“The purple-haired man continued and Colonnello could do nothing but nod emphatically and follow Skull. Slinging the heavier bag on his right shoulder, Colonnello allowed himself a moment to observe Skull; he was obviously younger than Colonnello, and if the make-up and the piercings were of any indication, was probably a fan of punk rock. He absently hummed as they finally went inside the large mansion, Lal had some peculiar relatives.

Speaking of which…

“So, Skull,” he started conversationally as they walked through the foyer, “You’re one of the Captain’s relatives, right?”

“Captain? Oh, you mean Lal. Yeah, I guess I am. I’m like, her favorite little brother.”

“Okay?”

“So, Colonnello,” Skull parroted, stopping at the foot of the staircase and turning to give Colonnello a cheeky grin; something that the sergeant didn’t appreciate too much because hello, Lal’s things were freaking heavy and Skull was just grinning at him like an idiot when he could be offering to help. “You’re a soldier, huh?” The other man continued before climbing up the stairs, still facing the blond.

Resisting the urge to shake his head incredulously at Skull’s antics, Colonnello doggedly climbed up the stairs as well. “That I am.”

“That’s cool.” Skull intoned in a voice that suggested that it was anything but. “I’m a stuntman. I do stunts.”

Swallowing the hysterical giggle forming in his throat, the blond sergeant forced himself to nod, a pained grimace twisting into his lips. “That’s interesting,” he articulated sincerely as they reached the second floor.

 

 

 

“They’re at the second floor landing.”

“Good, Viper’s almost there. Verde, are you sure that Lal’s still at the training grounds?”

“Well, she currently has Fon in a headlock so, yes. She’s still at the training grounds.”

“I’m gonna say it again. You’re all taking this too seriously. I’m surprised at you, Verde.”

“Shut it. It was either this or making box weapons I still don’t have a power source for.”

“Have you tried using flames for that?”

“Flames? Dying will flames?”

“No, I meant real flames. What do you think?”

“Well that’s dumb. See, this is why you’re a hitman and not a scientist.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Dying will flames? Seriously? A three-year-old would have a better suggestion.”

“I hate you.”

 

 

One floor and a hundred stuntman-related jokes later, Colonnello and Skull finally arrived in front of Lal’s room. Lal’s room, in case anyone was wondering, was located on the third floor in the leftmost wing of the manor and offered a panoramic view of the forest, which was a pretty good deal if you liked looking at trees. With the exception of Luce and of course, Lal, no one has yet to set foot inside the Rain Arcobaleno’s room, so if you were expecting some kind of scandalous information about Lal’s room, then I am sorry because I would have to disappoint you.

You bunch of creepy stalkers, you.

But hey, who’s judging?

Anyway.

“This is Lal’s room,” Skull explained in case Colonnello missed the large sign saying ‘LAL’S ROOM. KEEP OUT’ nailed neatly on the door. “But no one’s allowed to enter Lal’s room so you can just leave those in front of her door.”

“Oka—“

“What took you so long?” A new voice suddenly asked and Colonnello almost dropped one of the bags in surprise. There was a hooded figure sitting on top of the banisters and judging from the fact that it had spoken, the blond sergeant wisely deduced that it was human. Hopefully, it was.

Skull scowled at the newcomer, crossing his arms across his chest. “Whatever, Viper, I was just showing Colonnello around,” _and telling him really awful jokes_ , Colonnello continued mentally as he stood awkwardly between the two. “And you’re not supposed to sit on the banisters.”

“You’re not supposed to wear make-up either but you still do.” Viper sneered from the banister and Colonnello almost chokes on air.

“IT’S FACE PAINT!” The stuntman screeched, an awfully red blush staining his face. “How many times do I have to tell you that it isn’t make-up?”

“You can tell me as many times as you want, it doesn’t mean that I’ll believe you though.” Viper answered easily, making a show of jumping off the balustrade before turning to Skull pointedly. “Aren’t you supposed to go somewhere else now?”

“Shit! Fon!” Skull yelled almost incoherently, quickly running towards the nearest window and jumping out of it.

Colonnello just stared.

Lal’s family was weird.

_Very weird._

“Is he going to be alright?” He asked weakly after a few seconds, finally dropping the bags gently in front of Lal’s room.

Viper gave him a non-committal shrug. “He’s a stuntman. And an idiot. Idiot’s don’t die.”

Oh wow.

How insightful.

This kid definitely had to be related to Lal.

“Viper, then?” Colonnello confirmed and was rewarded with a sharp nod. “I’m assuming you’re one of Lal’s relatives too?”

“Yes, I am led to believe that I am supposed to be a younger sibling.” Viper answered, sauntering towards the staircase.

Colonnello raised a single eyebrow. Supposed to be a younger sibling? What the heck does that mean?

“And you’re supposed to follow me now. The others want to meet you and they’re waiting out in the garden.”

Deciding not to answer with his assent, the blond sergeant followed Viper down the stairs, warily keeping an eye on the diminutive hooded figure. A frown tugged on Colonnello’s lips as he realized something; he had no idea what the kid’s gender was. Seriously, Viper was too androgynous for his liking. Not to mention the fact that the loose clothing and the hood gave out nothing regarding Viper’s gender.

“Hey, Viper.”

“I’m impressed that you’re able to remember my name for the second time around.” Viper mused out loud as they passed by the second floor landing.

Ignoring the blatant stab to his intelligence, Colonnello decided to ask. “I don’t mean to offend you or anything but, are you a girl or a boy?”

Viper stopped, regarding him with a thoughtful frown. “What do you think?”

“I’m assuming that you’re a girl.”

“Why so?”

“For one, your vocal patterns are characteristics of a young female; also, you have a rather slight built that would suggest that you’re either a girl or a prepubescent boy, and lastly, your facial structures, or at least what I could see of your face, would suggest that you are in fact, female.”

“Interesting,” Viper hummed, leading him through a long hallway as soon as they reached the ground floor. “And do you believe yourself to be correct?”

Colonnello shrugged. “Am I?”

It may have been a trick of the light, but Colonnello swore that he saw Viper grin. “Can’t say. That’s not the kind of information I give out for free. But you do have a point.”

“Then you’re a girl?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Okay?”

“Colonnello, was it?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re smarter than you look.”

“Thanks. I think.”

“You’re welcome.”

“For the record, I will now be referring to you with female pronouns.”

“Suit yourself.”

 

 

The only sounds to pervade the secluded training area were their ragged breathing and the occasional pained grunt as soreness bled into overworked muscles. Fon and Lal were currently lying on their backs on the cold concrete floor, chests almost falling and rising in unison as they gasped for much needed air.

“You cheated in that last round,” Lal accused half-heartedly, pressing herself flat on the cool concrete.

Fon hacked out a laugh. “I did no such thing.”

Snorting, the Rain Arcobaleno gingerly propped herself up on her elbow and quirked an eyebrow at the still half-naked Chinese. “Geez, put your shirt back on already,” she sniped as she sat up, eyes roving curiously on the dragon tattoo on Fon’s chest. “I’m curious though, what’s with the tattoo? Is it some sort of tradition or is it something to do with your Kempo?”

“Huh? Oh, the tattoo? It helps focus my chi and one of my students said it looked cool. And I can’t put my shirt back on because you ripped it into pieces in that last round.”

Lal shook her head incredulously, “You’re ridiculous you know that?” She trudged up to where Fon was still stretched out on the concrete and proffered a hand which the man took with much exaggerated groaning.

“Great, you two are done sparring,” Skull’s voice came from the doorway and the two older Arcobalenos turned towards the stuntman questioningly. “Lal’s student has arrived and he’s—“

And before Skull could even finish his sentence, Lal ran.

“He’s having tea with Luce in the garden!” Skull called out helpfully before turning to Fon, only to find out that the other man had followed Lal. “Very funny, guys; let’s just leave Skull at the training grounds while you get to have fun with Lal’s student. I feel really loved here!”

 

 

Meanwhile at the garden, Colonnello was scared.

There weren’t many things that scared him, especially after Lal’s Spartan training, but there was something about Reborn, the man had insisted to be called as such earlier, that just didn’t sit well with him. There was something dangerous about Reborn; it was as if the dark-haired man could kill him in cold blood as easily as one would kill a particularly annoying fly. The man was a predator and Colonnello was the very unfortunate zebra who happened upon his part of the savannah.

The fact that Reborn was glaring holes at him from the balcony was so not helping.

“Would you like some milk in your tea?” Luce asked with a seemingly perpetual smile on her lips and Colonnello had to force himself to tear his gaze away from the balcony. (He has this really bad mental image of Reborn suddenly jumping from the balcony and coming at him with a teaspoon as soon as he looked away.)

“Um, what?”

Luce shook her head, turning her bright blue eyes towards the balcony. “Reborn, huh. Don’t worry, he doesn’t bite.” She assured him in a slightly amused tone, “Reborn, come down from there, you’re scaring our guest with all that glaring,” Luce called out, earning her nothing more than a sigh and an amused shake of the head.

“That’s his problem, not mine.”

“ _Caro_ , don’t make me say it again!”

“Fine, I’ll come down. Happy?”

“Very.”

Perhaps Luce was the one he should be afraid of, Colonnello absently thought as he watched Reborn jump down from the balcony. Because holy crap, the woman could _control_ people with a smile.

(On a side note, what is it with Lal’s relatives and jumping off of high places?)

“That’s actually true,” Viper casually declared through a mouthful of biscotti,  a smirk playing at—oh, that’s right, he’s using female pronouns for Viper now—her lips.

Eyebrows wrinkling in surprise, Colonnello averted his gaze to Viper. “Did you just read my mind?” He managed to get out, mouth opening in surprise.

“Of course not,” a green-haired man snorted, suddenly appearing and slumping down next to Viper who stuck out her tongue in greeting. “ _It_ read your face; Viper is hardly capable of mind-reading.” The man continued, reaching out to grab a blueberry muffin. “It’s Verde, by the way, in case you fail to recognize my voice.”

He was right. Verde _was_ the evil-scientist-take-over-the-world type.

“Er, hey, Verde, I recognized your voice. And did you just call Viper _it_?” Colonnello replied easily, feeling slightly agoraphobic with all the people suddenly popping out of nowhere to watch him with curious eyes.

And they were all somehow related to Lal!

Dear god, what had he gotten himself into?!

He can’t possibly coerce Lal into _eloping_ with him now.

Because, dear lord, he had a feeling that Lal’s family was going to hunt him down if he did.

“Of course,” Verde replied haughtily, “Viper doesn’t deserve a gender-appropriate pronoun.” The man declared before taking a delicate bite of the blueberry muffin.

Viper blew a raspberry, swiping the muffin from Verde and finishing it in one bite. “He’s only saying that because he has no idea what my gender is.” She tells Colonnello in a conspiratorial and secretive tone that would have probably been more effective had it not been for the fact that everyone else could hear it. “Lal’s student actually made a decent guess on what my gender is earlier.”

“What?! That’s—“

“For the love of God,” Reborn interjected, finally reaching the small enclave where they were all huddled at and dropping down on the seat next to Luce; directly in front of Colonnello. “Can we please stop talking about Viper’s gender? Or I dunno, just pay the little brat to know.” He mentioned snidely to Verde.

“I am _not_ interested in finding out Viper’s gender.” Verde lied through gritted teeth.

“Sure you’re not,” the fedora-wearing man acquiesced before turning to Luce with a tired sigh. “She’s going to be here in a few minutes, so if you have any questions for pretty boy here,” He jabbed a thumb towards Colonnello’s general direction, “I suggest you ask him now.”

Colonnello inwardly let out an outraged gasp, _pretty boy_? Like Reborn was one to talk.

Colonnello was _so_ not pretty.

He was ruggedly handsome.

“Oh, fine,” Luce gave a small huff, grabbing the small plate of cookies nearest her and offering it to Colonnello with an award-winning smile. “Would you like a cookie, Colonnello?”

“Er, no, that’s not really necessary—“

Reborn made a noise akin to a growl. “Take a cookie.”

Colonello took a cookie.

(First rule in the L’Prescetta Sette, no one turns down Luce’s cookies. No one.)

“So, Colonnello,” Luce said with an unwavering smile, “What exactly is your relationship with Lal?” She inquired sweetly with just the slightest hint of a threat.

The blond soldier blinked. What exactly did she mean by that? He and Lal, well, they were just teacher and student, weren’t they? Colonnello wasn’t that stupid to mix his admittedly crazy delusions with reality; that’s what wet dreams were for anyway. “Er, she’s my commanding officer? She trains me and well—I’m not sure what exactly you want to hear from me, ma’am.” He told Luce with a small frown, right hand scratching at the back of his neck awkwardly.

Luce bit her lip. “You like Lal, don’t you, Colonnello?”

“Of course, she’s a great soldier—“

“No,” Luce interjected softly, “I meant as a person, not a soldier, not a commanding officer, not your teacher; just Lal.”

Well, wow. That surprised him. Was he really so obvious that Lal’s relatives were picking up on his craziness? Colonnello valiantly fought off the embarrassed blush creeping up on his cheeks. “It’s hard not to like the Captain, ma’am.” And it was true, because no matter how prickly Lal can be, like a moth to a fire, Colonnello can’t help but be drawn to her even with the imminent threat of being court-martialed due to insubordination.

Not to mention getting his brains blown out by Lal’s favorite shot gun.

He gingerly looked up to see Luce seemingly deep in thought, as if she was carefully considering his response just now. “Here’s a suggestion, Colonnello,” Luce finally broke out from her reverie with a serious look on her face, “if you plan on getting anywhere with Lal,” she took a deep, calming breath, “then you need to be more attentive of her feelings.” She finished before adding, “you really didn’t think that Lal took a vacation because she wanted to, did you?”

 _No, no he didn’t._ Colonnello numbly shook his head, heart suddenly feeling heavy inside his chest. He felt so vulnerable under Luce’s blue-eyed scrutiny; it was as if the woman saw through his very soul. He swallowed down the sticky trepidation cloying in his throat; Lal had taken a sudden vacation all because of something he did.

Fuck.

“Colonnello,” Lal Mirch’s familiar voice called out; familiar in the sense that Lal’s angered yelling at 0400 hours was Colonnello’s version of an alarm clock back at the barracks and hell if he didn’t get familiarized with that.

A very breathless Lal skidded to a halt next to the bench occupied by Verde and Viper, followed by a shirtless Asian man with a large dragon tattoo emblazoned on his chest. Not that Colonnello was checking the guy out or anything, he didn’t swing _that_ way. But really, who the hell walked around half-naked? And around Lal too!

“Lal.”

“ _Sergeant_ ,” a harried Lal replied tersely, quickly reminding him that she was, is, his commanding officer and god forbid if he didn’t give her any respect. The COMSUBIN trainer afforded Colonnello the scariest look she could muster for the time being and was rewarded with her idiot student falling all over himself to perform a salute, much to the amusement of the other Arcobalenos.

“Ma’am, good afternoon, ma’am!”

“At ease, soldier.” Lal snorted, “And since when did you call me Ma’am, not to mention saluted me?” As Colonnello tried to save face, Lal raised a suspicious eyebrow towards Luce who smiled at her charmingly. “Looks like you’ve been having fun with my idiot student over here.”

“He’s been quite charming, dear.”

At this, Lal rolled her eyes excessively towards Colonnello’s general direction. “Charming? Him? Well, that’s a surprise. I wasn’t even aware that he knew what that meant.”

“You don’t give him enough credit, Lal.” Luce lessoned.

“Trust me, Luce, I give him too much as it is.” Lal retorted blandly, motioning to Colonnello with a nod of her head. “Let’s go soldier, I’m going to check my things and I need someone to punch if anything is damaged.”

“Hey,” Reborn quipped, “why on earth is Fon naked?”

Lal grimaced deeply; trust Reborn to notice that of all things. “—that’s because—“

“Lal ripped my shirt into pieces,” Fon supplied, plopping down next to Verde who snorted at the action, “Because she thought that I cheated.”

“You _did_ cheat,” she insisted because Lal has a competitive streak a mile wide and losing to Fon in a practice match is not doing her ego any good. “Let’s go,” Lal repeated, already starting to walk away from the others with Colonnello in tow.

“Wait! You haven’t introduced us yet,” the Chinese man began, deftly standing up from his seat and easily catching up to the two. He proffered a hand to Colonnello who awkwardly shook it; Fon opened his mouth to say something but was quickly cut off by an irate Lal.

“Fon, Colonnello. Colonnello, Fon. There, you know each other. Let’s go,” Lal rattled off, grabbing her student by the arm and pulling him towards the manor. “And seriously Fon, put a shirt on.”

 

 

 

“Sergeant,” Lal called from her crouched position on the floor, hands buried deep inside the bags that contained her things. It came as no surprise that everything was in order, because although Colonnello was completely crap at following orders didn’t mean that he couldn’t. “Sergeant,” she called again, taking a peek at the man over her shoulder to see Colonnello leaning against the banister, gazing out the window, seemingly deep in thought.

She frowned, just what on earth did Luce tell her idiot student?

The COMSUBIN trainer gingerly stood up, placing her hands on her hips as she blatantly watched Colonnello get even more lost in thought. She’d seen this particular look on Colonnello’s face before during a particularly dangerous mission and she knew for a fact that there was only one thing that could shake him out of his trance—

“ _Ow_! Hey! Lal, what was that for?!”

—and that was a good punch in the face.

“Stop thinking so hard,” she informed Colonnello, leaning against the banister next to him before delivering yet another punch to the arm that the sergeant managed to block, albeit weakly. “You’re going to hurt what little brain cells you have left.”

The man huffed defensively, a pout tugging at his lips. “ _Ha-ha_ , very funny.”

“It’s not advisable to dwell on Luce’s words too much,” she turned, leaning her elbows on the banister as she looked down at the spiraling staircase; sharp eyes on the lookout for any eavesdroppers. The last thing she needed was any of her so-called relatives listening in on her attempted heart-to-heart with Colonnello; heaven knows they’ll never let her live it down. “That woman is too insightful for her own good; my suggestion is that you just worry about what’s in front of you right now and deal with the future as it comes.” She finished with the slightest semblance of a smile playing on her lips; Colonnello was one of her best men and had the best potential out of anyone that she’s trained.

“Hey, Lal…did I do anything to offend you?” Colonnello suddenly asked, causing Lal’s eyebrows to rise in surprise.

“What,” she articulated eloquently.

“I mean—I know I can be tactless at times and I’m just wondering—“

Lal shook her head disbelievingly, her right hand massaging the bridge of her nose. “Colonnello, everything you do offends me greatly,” she honestly said, remembering the _lady_ comment that had her throwing a fit yesterday.

“I’m sorry?”

She shrugged, and truth be told, Lal’s never really been able to be angry at this man for a long period  of time no matter what the idiot ended up doing. “Yeah, yeah, fine, whatever.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Colonnello, I’m sure.”

“So…uh, that half-naked guy,” he piped up, catching Lal unaware seeing as this was the last thing she really wanted to talk about.

“Fon.”

Colonnello shifted awkwardly, turning to face her with a bafflingly serious look on his face. “Yeah, him; are you related to him too or something?”

“He’s a family friend,” she lied flawlessly because it would just be suspicious to say that he was family seeing as Fon was so blindingly Asian, and their imaginary family tree would have to be a very fucked up affair if Fon ended up related to a bunch of Italians who looked nothing alike.

She really should have thought this through before claiming to the Admiral that she lived with her family.

For some reason or other, Colonnello practically deflated at her answer. “Is that so? He’s kinda…handsome.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, sergeant; he doesn’t swing that way,”

“What?! No! I’m not—I like boobs!”

Raising an eloquent eyebrow, Lal barely bit off the hysterical laughter that threatened to escape her lips. “—sure you do.”

“I do!” Colonnello insisted with a dark flush staining his cheeks, his right hand finding purchase on Lal’s arm and effectively trapping the dark-haired woman between him and the banister. “Lal, I—“

Time stopped.

 _Time stopped_ , or rather, time stopped for Colonnello as Lal elbowed him in the stomach, effectively stopping whatever he was trying to do.

 

 

“Just what the hell were you trying to do, soldier?”

“I was trying to kiss you.”

“I have half a mind to have you court martialed for that gross insubordination.”

“But you won’t because you love me.”

“In your dreams, soldier.”

 

 

 


	4. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posted this aaaages ago at ff.net and i keep on forgetting to put this on here. 
> 
> so um. here you go.

Two months after Sawada Tsunayoshi finally took on the mantle as Vongola Decimo, the Arcobaleno curse broke. Just like that. One moment, they were cursed infants; the next they were back to their original forms as if nothing interesting had happened for the past few years and that was that.

Okay. Not really.

It wasn’t _that_ simple.

Nothing ever was.

There were explanations to be had, private property to be reclaimed, assassins to be killed, and not to mention new clothes to be bought (and in Verde’s case, new robots to create). It was, altogether, an extremely annoying and troublesome affair and they almost wished that they hadn’t turned back to normal if it was just going to give them an unending supply ofmesses to clean up.

Reborn, for example, had to take a whole day to explain to Tsuna that _yes, he’s always been an adult in that form, and no, it’s not as creepy as it sounds, shut up, Dame-Tsuna_. With the sole exception of Tsuna, the Vongola’ upper echelon, to no surprise, accepted Reborn’s transformation easily and without much question. (Spending ten years routinely bombarded by ingenious and crazy Mafiosi alike, as well as the occasional creepy and perverted stalkers, Vongola Decimo’s guardians were pretty much used to the craziness of the world, and were thus completely desensitized to news that would normally cow the lesser man, or Tsuna.)

But then again, as much as Reborn appreciated being back in his old body—it felt amazing to be able to wear his Armani suits again, the feel of expensive fabric against his skin was nothing short of orgasmic— he can’t help but be annoyed at the fact that he can’t use his old hiding places anymore. He’d built an impressively complicated system of hideouts in Namimori and it was just a goddamn shame that he won’t be able to use them anymore. And let’s not forget the fact that he now has to give up his cosplaying ways, because a baby dressed as a pinecone was cute, but a grown man dressed as a pine cone was just plain scary, not to mention it would probably land him in the nearby jail for being a pervert.

On the other hand, Viper had a more relaxed return to the Varia. Lussuria baked a cake. Xanxus even threw a glass at Squalo’s head during dinner, y’know, just for old time’s sake. It almost felt like coming home to the most dysfunctional family ever, if Viper ever thought of the bastards in the Varia as family. (Viper actually did, but hell would sooner freeze over than for the illusionist to admit that.)

But seriously though, the Varia did not even give a single fuck about the fact that their former Mist had suddenly experienced some sort of instant-puberty shot. (“Oh, you’re not floating anymore,” Belphegor observed in an almost disappointed tone before turning back to the video game he was playing.)

The only actual problem with Viper’s return to the Varia was Fran. But of course, seeing as it was the Varia Viper was dealing with, the problem was dealt with in a swift and reasonable manner.

Essentially, it went like this:

“Does this mean I can go back home now?” Fran asked, wide-eyed and looking just about ready to catch or hijack the next plane back to France (whichever worked to get him away from this bunch of psychopaths), the minute Viper had returned.

Belphegor sneered, idly plucking out a knife from Fran’s ridiculous frog hat and affixing it someplace else. “Kidnap victims can’t just go back home, stupid frog,” the blond said in an annoyed tone, and consequently proving that yes, they had acquired Fran via illegal means and that the Varia had actually gotten attached to their new illusionist. It was almost cute, Viper thought absently before suddenly remembering that this was the Varia and fuck if they ever did anything cute.

“You’re Rokudo Mukuro’s apprentice, aren’t you?” Viper asked, sitting primly on one of the plush armchairs that littered Xanxus’ office.

Fran’s mouth twitched, “I’d rather stay here and be stabbed by the fake prince than go back to Master, if that’s what you’re implying.”

“I don’t really care. But you should probably just stay, I have no plans of going back to my previous position anyway,” the Arcobaleno finally quipped before turning to face Xanxus. “I’m just here to collect my back pay and my share of the stocks.” The stocks which Viper, or rather, Mammon had won after a very long game of poker against Xanxus who had bet 20% of the stocks against Mammon’s _royal flush._

And which, now that Viper thought of it, Squalo was never to know.

Well, _oops_.

“What stocks?!” Squalo, in true Squalo fashion shrieked in the righteous fury of one tasked to handle the Varia’s accounting every fucking season, earning himself a vase to the head courtesy of Xanxus. “Is that why we’re always missing thousands of Euros every accounting season?!”

“That’s none of your business, trash.”

The white-haired swordsman bristled, stomping over to Xanxus’ desk and slamming his fists on it like the madman that he was. Because really, it was kind of an unspoken rule in the Varia that no one was allowed to slam their fists on Xanxus’ desk unless you were Xanxus because (1) it was Xanxus’ desk, (2) it was fucking rude, and (3) _it was Xanxus’ fucking desk_. “It’s my fucking business, you shitty boss, especially when I’m the one doing the fucking computations while that Miura girl breathes down my neck for not meeting the fucking deadline!”

“Did you just fucking slam your fists on my desk,” Xanxus hissed, slamming a hand on his desk for good measure as if to reaffirm his ownership of said desk. He turned to Belphegor, Fran, and Mammon and growled, looking surprised that they were still there when he was so ready to bite Squalo’s head off for slamming his goddamn fists on _his_ desk. “What the fuck are you still doing here?!”

Viper hummed, “I believe you were still discussing the position of Mist guardian,” cutting off the generic Squalo yell and the consequent glass/whatever-throwing.

Xanxus snorted, throwing all of them a murderous look. The Varia boss inhaled deeply before apparently coming to some sort of ultimatum. “The frog brat stays. Mammon, get your fucking money and leave. Squalo, it is not your fucking business. Now, all of you get the fuck out of my office!” The _before I shoot you all to smithereens_ tactfully left out, or well, maybe it was just already understood when it came to Xanxus.

And that was that.

Not that any of those aforementioned things were important in the grand scheme of the world, in Luce’s humble opinion. (And her opinion was something that matters a lot, what with the whole shaman thing and such.) No, what was important was the fact that until now, after so and so years of being stuck in infantile bodies and the subsequent return to their original ones, Colonnello and Lal still have yet to run towards each other in slow motion in front of the setting sun.

And it grated, was grating on Luce’s nerves because how can two people dance awkwardly around each other for so long?

She’d somehow expected Colonnello to at least take some sort of initiative to get the ball rolling, but the blond had done close to nil. And Lal’s denial was not helping their situation one bit; Luce’d thought it was cute in the beginning, but now, it served as nothing more than as a prickling source of annoyance and frustration for anyone in close vicinity.

But of course, the annoyance and frustration will soon come to an end, Luce decided with a satisfied nod. Because this time, her plan would work, every single tidbit would fall into place, anyone trying to interfere would be swiftly—ahem—taken care of, and those two—ridiculously, hopeless idiots—would finally, finally get together.

Luce grinned, lips stretching wide and showing off pearly white teeth.

_They’ll never know what hit them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luce is still alive because of plot reasons.


End file.
